Aftermath
by MelancholyMuse519
Summary: In the aftermath of a battle against the fire nation, Katara finds sadness, despair, and hope. Zutara, T for graphic descriptions mentions of and suicide.


17 March 2008

Disclaimer: I promise that I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

A/N: Inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel". The idea was initially conceived as a songfic, but then I changed my mind and decided it wouldn't work.

Aftermath

Sunlight broke through the gray clouds, splashing its rays onto the battle-ravaged field of the fire nation. In the light, the stark color difference between ruby red blood and the dark earth it was seeping into became even more apparent. The pale skin of dead bodies gleamed white as the sun hit them and the dying grass looked as if it would surely waste away when the sunlight intensified.

In the middle of this bleak, bloody battlefield stood a thin, brown-haired girl; Katara by name. She was still alive, filthy with dirt and injured in several places. Her blue eyes were wider than normal and her tan skin paled as she surveyed the scene before her. Never before had she seen so much death in one place.

Moving as though in a trance, Katara began walking slowly through the field. She wound her way through the macabre maze of cadavers, taking extraordinary pains not to step on any lifeless limbs. The smell was nauseating but she pressed on with a determined look on her face.

The sight of one particular body made Katara stop in her tracks. Her hand flew to cover her mouth as she took in the sight of a severed leg and an arm that was attached to its body by a single, blood-soaked tendon. Above the arm, a slashed throat soaked a neck and clothes with deep red blood.

Breathing quickly, Katara wrenched her gaze from the slashed throat and looked above it to a head that was still attached though barely recognizable as human. A black eye stood out puffy and shiny against cream-colored skin and the chin was red with more blood as it hung unnaturally low. The jaws were broken and it looked like the tongue had been cut out.

Groaning in distress, Katara turned quickly from the body and vomited, feeling tears begin to roll down her cheeks. A shaky, weak feeling overtook her as she stared without seeing at the pool of sick near her feet. The pale liquid of her vomit mingled with the dark dirt of the earth as she tried to compose herself. She had to get away from here.

Katara continued winding her way through the field of carnage, moving slower and still shaking from her previous encounter. She froze in her tracks as the sight of a second body caught her eye. It was her father.

Unlike the last body, Hakoda had only been burned and stabbed twice, and all his limbs were still attached. In fact, from the chest up, he appeared to be merely sleeping. Katara knelt to examine his body more closely while tears formed two rivers on her cheeks.

She had seen him fall, hit from behind with a fireball by some faceless soldier. But still she had held out hope for his survival but it had been all in vain. Reality hit hard as Katara finally gave in and started to cry.

She was deep in the throes of grief when a low groan attracted her attention. Glancing in the direction of the groan, she saw a body move. The groan repeated itself, fraught with pain and sorrow. All the breath left her lungs as her father's death temporarily vacated her mind. Sokka was the one groaning. Her big brother was still alive.

Moving as quickly as possible, Katara scrambled to where Sokka was lying in a pool of his own blood. Ignoring the condition of her clothes, she knelt in the middle of the pool and gently cradled his head in her lap.

"Katara?" His voice was weak with pain and sadness.

"I'm here, Sokka." She did her best to conceal the misery in her own words and mask them with reassuring gauze.

"Are you hurt? What about Dad?"

"I'll be fine…" She bit back tears and took a deep breath to steady herself, "But Dad's dead. I just found his body."

Sokka shut his eyes tightly, but tears still squeezed out onto his cheeks. He worked hard to restrain his sobs and muttered a few unintelligible phrases. He cleared his throat and asked another question.

"Did Suki make it?"

Squeezing her eyes closed, Katara shook her head as slightly as possible. She had watched her friend die. The brave earth kingdom warrior had been shot through the heart with a burning arrow and then stabbed in the neck while she lay burning to death. When Suki's bright green eyes closed forever, Katara had been too deep in shock to register and fully realize the pain of her friend's death.

One of her hands was resting on Sokka's shoulder and when she felt him begin to shake with sobs, it all became too much. Tears dropped from her closed eyes as she began to cry in earnest and for a long time brother and sister cried together, uninterrupted in their grief. Then, out of nowhere, Sokka cleared his throat and spoke.

"I can't go on anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Katara, look at me. I'm in pain, bleeding half to death, almost all my family and friends are dead, and I just lost the person I was in love with. I've got nothing left to live for." His tone was one of despair mingled with relief.

Where fear and apprehension had been before, there was now only desperation. More tears started to fall, staining his shoulder. "You have me. I can heal you. We can get through this."

"No, we can't. Even if you managed to heal me, I've lost too much blood. And now that Suki's dead…I don't want to live anymore."

Before Katara could protest any further, Sokka raised his dagger. She watched, paralyzed with terror and disgust as her brother slit his own wrists and blood began to flow down his arms. She knew she could heal the cuts easily, but something stopped her. At last, he turned his head and met her eyes.

"I love you, Katara. Be strong, you've got so much more to live for than me." His eyes closed and all the breath left his lungs in an eerie hiss. A cold wave of sickness washed over her as his body went still in her arms. Her brother had killed himself while she watched.

Moving carefully, Katara returned Sokka's body to the ground and stood up. He had said she had so much to live for. But was that true anymore? Her entire family and most of her friends were dead. She had no clue what had become of Aang or Toph. What did she have left?

Suddenly, Sokka's earlier actions made sense. Everything around her went abruptly, unnaturally still. She knew what to do. She knew how to make it all better. Every thought had deserted her mind but the one that centered on her actions and their purpose. She knelt and gently took Sokka's dagger from his hand.

Katara straightened up, pausing to wipe the knife clean on her clothes. There was something unbearably macabre about killing herself with her brother's blood still present on the weapon. She glanced down to her brother's body while she loosened the neck of her blue robes.

"I'm sorry Sokka. I know you said I had more to live for, but I really don't. I'll see you soon." With her free hand, she located on her chest where her heart was. Gripping the dagger with both hands, she positioned it at a severe angle above her head and closed her eyes, preparing for the wound that would end her life.

She tried to bend her elbows and deliver the fatal blow, but found they wouldn't move. Something had a hold on them and wasn't letting go. Katara opened her eyes, blinking away the tears that impeded her vision.

A pair of burning amber eyes met her own; they were also bright with tears. Her grip on the knife loosened slightly as she took in black hair, pale skin and an all too familiar scar that stretched across the left side of the face connected to a male body that was mere inches away from hers. Two hands covered her own, preventing them from moving at all. Silence continued to reign on the battlefield until he spoke.

"Katara is this really what you want?"

"Is what…what I want, Zuko?"

"Do you really want to kill yourself?"

She inhaled and prepared to answer but all words instantly left her. Just a moment ago she would have answered yes and told him to let her get on with it but now she couldn't be sure. His eyes were boring into hers, willing her not to do what had seemed like her only option until this moment. Her breathing quickened as her pulse rose and tears fell from her eyes again. Perhaps death wasn't her only option after all. Katara looked up at the knife, down at her exposed skin, met Zuko's eyes again, and blinked to clear her vision. What had happened to her?

There was a dull thud as the knife hit the ground and Katara threw her arms around Zuko's neck. More tears fell down her cheeks and her shoulders shook as she started to cry in earnest. He slipped his arms around her in a tight hug and for a long time they simply stood together while she cried.

Her tears ran out after a while and the pair stayed close, still not saying anything. One of Zuko's hands traced slow, comforting circles on Katara's back as she tried to collect herself. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Were you really going to kill yourself?"

"I might have…I know I wanted to."

"Why did you want to?"

"I had just watched Sokka kill himself…and I had found my father's body. I don't know what happened to Aang or Toph, and during the battle I saw Suki die. I didn't see any reason to go on living."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"I don't know, Zuko. I think I want to live…but who do I have to live for? My entire family's dead, and nearly all my friends are gone…what do I have left?"

"Katara do you remember what I told you last night? Before we fell asleep?"

She closed her eyes and tried to remember the night before the battle. They had been talking, unintentionally fallen asleep together, and she had woken up in his arms. She recalled the warm, safe, protected feeling and how she never wanted it to go away. It was similar to her present state, only then all her family and friends had been alive.

Exhaling in confusion and still trying to evoke memories of last night's conversation, Katara tried harder. Their talk had been of the coming battle, their joint fears, and what would happen after everything was over.

"You said we were going to get through this." His words finally surfaced in the quagmire of her mind and she leaned back to meet his eyes. "You said no matter what else happened, we'd look out for each other, and come out alive on the other side."

He nodded, not breaking their eye contact. "Right; and I meant it when I said that I'd look out for you. But I won't be able to do that if you kill yourself. So please don't do it."

His arms tightened around her waist and she didn't miss the desperate note in his voice. Its presence both confused and concerned her.

"Zuko, why do you care if I kill myself or not?"

"Because you're important to me. I care about you a lot, and if you die I don't know what I'll do."

At his words, something clicked in Katara's head. She blinked rapidly to clear her eyes of the tears that had suddenly gathered there and leaned back to meet his gaze.

"You mean it?" Tears fell down her cheeks and sobs threatened to escape from her throat as they stood together.

He nodded, moving one hand from her waist to wipe away her tears. "I do."

"Agni, Zuko…I'm such a mess right now. You really want to be involved with that?"

He nodded again, but instead of speaking he inclined his head and touched his lips to hers. Katara's eyes flew open in surprise but quickly closed as she started to kiss him back. For the first time in too long she felt completely safe. As long as they had each other they could make it through whatever life threw their way. The kiss ended and they stayed close, neither saying anything for fear of breaking the moment's magical spell.

"Come on." His voice was thick with emotion, but the prevalent tone was one of happiness. "We should get away from here."

She nodded in agreement and they walked away from the carnage and sadness of the battlefield. They walked next to each other, hands intertwined and their warmth reinforced Katara's hope that, in time, things would get better and everything would be okay.

-Fin

A/N: As always constructive criticism is accepted and appreciated. Please bear in mind, though, that writing this was a challenge for me. I've never been in a position of wanting to kill myself, so it was difficult to capture how Katara should be feeling. I hope I did well, and I hope you'll let me know in your review.


End file.
